A Different Kind of Pain

There's a song by a band I like called Spiritualized that I can help but go back to every time I think about my pain medication addiction. Throughout the song, the phrase, "All I want in life's a little bit of love to take the pain away" repeats over and over again. I relate to this line so well because the deeper I fell into my pain medication addiction, the more depressed I became until I couldn't see where one problem ended and the other began. I would have given anything for someone to just take me away and "fix" me; however I knew that was impossible, and that only made things worse. 
 
As the 18 months I spent abusing painkillers rolled on, I was doing less and less with my life and finding little joy other than those fleeting moments when I was able to escape my reality and feel numb for a few hours. I didn't want to be there for anybody, but I wanted everybody to be there for me. It's amazing how quickly you can retreat into yourself when everything seems hopeless. My survival instinct failed me for a long time, and I completely lost sight of who I was. 
 
I started to get serious about recovery when I knew nobody was coming to save me. I was the one to do this to myself and I was the one that was going to get myself out of it. I began trying to wean myself off pain medication; but after relapsing twice, I knew I couldn't this by on my own. Eventually I put together that the only way I could save myself was by putting my salvation in the hands of others. I checked myself into rehab in November of 2008 and left the worst of myself outside those doors when I did. 
 
They say all's well that ends well; but I can't take for granted that my pain medication addiction ever really ended, or will ever end. I learned early on in recovery to accept the fact that I have this problem and that the only way to beat it was to live a continuously healthy life and value myself and the people I love. I haven't stopped going to meetings or seeing a therapist, because part of me knows that commitment to recovery is the only way I'm going to be able to respect myself and live a sober life. 
 

Contact the National Information Center for Pain Medication Addiction anytime toll-free at (855) 222-1980 or through our online form, and receive the answers, information or our recommendation for the help you or your loved one need to stop their pain medication addiction!

Get back the quality of life and level of dignity that is only possible when you or your loved one are no longer addicted to pain medication drugs . . . regardless of whether they were obtained legally or illegally.

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